It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
