That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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