East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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