oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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