omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
