Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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