i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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