I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
