I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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