And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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