So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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