Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
