i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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