Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
