What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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