She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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