Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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