Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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