Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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