JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my shit smells like andre
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
