i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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