Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
