My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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