i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize