Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
