Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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