A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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