Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I party with great urgency now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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