I've blown a few things in my day
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
