God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
