i was born a porn star she said
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
