you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
