The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
