The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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