I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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