Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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