Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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