I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
