Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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