Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
