PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We smell like vodka and hangover
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