Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was like eating out sand paper
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
