Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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