break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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