Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
