Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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