And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
