So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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