She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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