I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
