She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
