We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
