I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
