I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
