Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
