is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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