I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
even my farts smell like vagina
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
