you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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