I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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