i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
