Please don't use social media to get back at me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
