Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
