I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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