sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
