It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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